some days

There are some days you peer off the Brisbane Bridge
...and think sweet thoughts about the river.
There are some days when the past is just
A maze where you lost yourself
Do you feel that you might waste away?

In the past week or so, I've had lots of these days. Where I struggle with the idea of "worth", and contemplate major life decisions. And the action I could (should?) take. I've watched everything I had slip through my fingers time and time again, so I must be doing something wrong. I'm going to figure it out and fix it.

Maybe I'll move 2,000 miles from here. "Get a job, buy a house, and keep it clean just so." Live in the parameters of convention and never look back. That can't be enough, can it? Watching my friends flip ambiguous red cups onto the counter and laugh off anything they previously believed made me sad. Seeing them so happy made me sad. I wasn't meant for that. There's got to be something else and I'm going to find it.

I'm surrounded by question marks. Nothing seems fulfilling anymore. Literally nothing. The things that brought me happiness in highschool seem empty now. The people I surrounded myself with seem distant. The relationships I had are messy and beyond repair. What I love and who I love are no longer definite.

I just want to live my life honestly.