these are feelings lingering

you feel it break down, makes you stay wide-awake
…this is how a heart breaks

Heartbreak. It happens to everyone. I should consider myself lucky that I made it nineteen whole years without ever feeling emotionally attached to someone. Then you came along and screwed it all up. I wasn't in love, I wasn't looking for anything serious. I was lonely and so were you. And then I felt it. I ached whenever you left and yearned to kiss you one more time. I couldn't get you out of my mind.

I have never felt the kind of hurt I feel right now. It's far worse than any physical pain I could be put through. My feelings weren't worth anything to you. "I value you as a friend" is one of the worst sentences I've ever heard. Oh, and "I thought we weren't going to define [what we're doing]." Right. We weren't. But that was when I wanted someone, anyone. Now I wanted you. Fire in my heart, blood on your hands.

I would've been okay with whatever fling we conjured up, except for the fact that it was obvious I wasn't the only one in your life. I could see that clear as day. I was so blind that you were as far as I could see. I lost interest in everyone else. But you're still crazy about her. I know you are. Why did you lead me on? It seems as though she's always been a part of your life, and it disgusts me that you dared to try and stack your cards.

One person has never made me so happy and so sad. I love you more than I understand, but I hate you more than any person that's ever laid a hand on me. I exposed myself to you entirely, and you just turned away. How can you still lay down next to me at night and feel nothing?

I wish I felt nothing. Sometimes, when you kissed me, I wanted to cry. You broke over me like a wave, and occasionally it was more than I could take. The ways in which you touched me sent electricity through my veins.

If I could pretend to fall a little out of love with you…I can't. It's very clear to me that I need to stop this now, because It's really just a lose-lose situation. Why keep torturing myself? The thing is, I can't even imagine letting you go. The things we did cannot be undone.

So yes, this is a broken heart. No, I'm not naive or a little "confused." I'm torn up and upset, all because I decided to let you in. I'll learn from you, though. So that I do remember to never go that far, could you leave me with a scar?